A lack of self-love and approval seems to be the root of our problems: our fears, our anxiety, many of our worries, and our self-sabotage.
Why is our response to something "I'm not good enough", when we are enough simply because we are alive? Being alive entitles us to be good enough. Period. I will repeat that – WE ARE GOOD ENOUGH SIMPLY BECAUSE WE EXIST!
We don't need an external thing, force, or person to validate us and say we are enough; we are enough without external validation, without the things we think we need, without our job, without an education, without a partner, without a big house or lots of friends or anything, we are enough just as we are – But no one can make us believe that except ourselves.
"Not being good enough" is only a thought; where did this thought originate from? There is a hurtful memory in our past that gave birth to this feeling, and over time, we nurture it, feed it, provide it with attention, and become it. There is no reason why we are not good enough because we are. No one is more qualified to do your life than you are, and we all have our purpose and are the only beings capable of fulfilling it.
There is no checklist of things to tick off, something to have accomplished or done or created or lived, or people who loved us. We cannot point the finger and blame society and people and old patterns in this world because, ultimately, we choose to believe we aren't enough, and that's our responsibility. Once we recognize this feeling, we can FIX IT; no one can do it for us; it is our own thing to work through. It is a decision we make, a commitment to ourselves. It is a thought, and all thoughts can be changed!
If we think we are not good enough, nothing is nor will be; we will live a life of dread, comparison, fear, sadness, and insecurity, and it will bleed through and into everything in our lives. The work we do won't be good enough, our art won't be good enough, our point of view won't be good enough, our voice won't be good enough, our home, our job, our finances, our feelings, our love life, our friends, our ideas, everything will suffer. AND it all stemmed from a single thought… You will spend your whole life trying to chase this feeling and prove to the world you are enough, and you will amount to great things, but if you don't think you are enough, nothing you do, no person, or thing you possess will make you feel you are and fill that hole. You have to fill it yourself.
Think about someone you love, and imagine them saying they are not enough; what is your reaction? If anyone I love says this, I will instantly call them out, reassure them they are, and remind them of how they inspire me and how amazing they are - but is this the same thing we do when we say it to ourselves? Are we quick to remind ourselves we are? Are we quick to call ourselves out, or do we let ourselves spiral deep into self-hatred ?!
Everyone has days when we feel the world's weight crushing down on us. We all have moments where nothing feels right, and we don't feel right, but those days are the most important days to love ourselves, nurture ourselves, and mother ourselves – we are enough.
Your body is enough, your art is enough, your voice is enough to be heard, your dreams are enough, your feelings are enough, everything about you is enough. Your thoughts, your ideas, your work, your grades, your journey, YOU ARE ENOUGH. And there is no reason to think otherwise; even if you didn't get the job you wanted – something better will come; if you failed the class – you will retake it and understand it better; if your love interest found someone else – they weren't the one for you if your body doesn't look like they do on Instagram – it is not supposed to. YOU ARE ENOUGH BECAUSE YOU ARE YOU, AND I AM ENOUGH BECAUSE I AM ME.
I have been working on this concept of self-acceptance and love for a long time, something I learned from my mum, to smother myself in love and to embrace who I am. It has been challenging, and a lot of times, I catch myself slipping. It's a journey and a learning process, but loving yourself and accepting yourself as you are has to be THE most liberating thing you can do and THE most important thing you will do for yourself.
Affirmations have been the key in this journey: writing them down, saying them out loud, and reminding myself of these throughout the day, working to change my thinking patterns that don't serve me, and swapping them for ones that do.
I am capable
I am worthy
I am enough
I love and accept myself just the way I am.
Look at yourself in the mirror; try it every morning for a week, and say,
"I love you. I am proud of you. I know you are doing the best that you can. You are perfect, just as you are. I approve of you."
Say it with intent; say it with meaning. It will be hard at first and feel silly, but it will make a difference.
If we learn to love ourselves and believe we are good enough simply because we exist, without reasons to justify, or people to agree or evidence, just because we are here on earth breathing – we would have discovered the greatest superpower simply by loving who we are.
We are worthy of feeling good. We are worthy of our love and acceptance.
with love always,
valeria.